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See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;
this subject has been on my heart since I started this blog, but because of my own selfishness, cloudiness, not really being sure, if I have quite a handle on it myself – I’ve procrastinated posting this.
Yet, God has encouraged my heart, just to share what I know, no expert advice here, just a fellow student of Gods grace, sharing what I know about bitterness after a broken engagement.
1st- I believe bitterness is one of the most easily justifiable sins that I know, I can’t tell you how easy bitterness crept into my soul.
Bitterness was the most sweetest aroma to my hurting heart, bitterness was my best friend, bitterness would listen to me, when nobody else would, bitterness was my comfort. As much as I hate to admit it, my bitterness felt good, it felt good because it was seemingly the only thing that “got me,” when no body else could.
Bitterness is so easily justified – because THEY hurt you! THEY are in the wrong.
2nd- Bitterness can come in different forms, my bitterness wasn’t an outward hate, I didn’t say one negative word towards my ex… My bitterness was directed towards God, I questioned how a good and holy Lord could allow for so much pain, after I stood for holiness, we waited, we prayed, we had outside council. Why God?
Slowly, my “whys?” transformed into bitterness towards Him.
Bitterness Defined by Webster:
Causing or showing sorrow, discomfort, or pain; grievous; strong feelings of hatred, resentment.
The days that followed my broken engagement – I experienced everything defined above- but it was all directed towards God.
How could He do this to me?
Looking back on everything now, I can see how much bitterness I allowed in my heart, almost unknowingly it set up camp in my life. My bitterness towards God was so horrendous, I would cry myself to sleep, I would doubt the goodness of God, I got to a point of such great sorrow – I thought God hated me, and I didn’t know why.
Now, I see that my broken engagement was not due to God not loving me, it wasn’t because God hated me or didn’t see me.
My hearts sorrow had never been hidden from Him. No, my Lord never left my side, even when my “whys” turned to bitterness before Him, He still loved me. My Lord protected me from a deeper hurt( a marriage that wasn’t under His blessing ) as much as that hurts to say. God knew that this man wasn’t ready for marriage, He knew that I would have been miserable. God so lovingly brought people into my life to warn me and pray for me. As hard as it was to take their advice – deep down I knew, Gods way is my only way to true happiness. Deep down I knew, that as much as I loved this man- God loved him more.
Reflecting on everything now, I see that my “deep downs” were right.
Though I still get lonely, Christ love has swept over me, Gods grace has sustained me through this storm.
If I can leave you with one thing.
Don’t allow bitterness to cloud what you know to be true. Squash the lies, before the bitter root grows.
You know that You serve a loving creator and though this time may be the deepest sorrow of your life. Gods hand is not short to save, His power is not limited to heal you.
He knows your hurting and He comes down from on high to comfort you. In Christ you will be made strong.